


Ray of Light

by little_miss_shinigami (rosexwald)



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Comfort Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Porn, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Love Confessions, M/M, MASSIVE FEELINGS, Musical Kuroshitsuji: -The Most Beautiful DEATH in The World- Sen no Tamashii to Ochita Shinigami, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Sleepy Cuddles, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-12 17:25:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2118444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosexwald/pseuds/little_miss_shinigami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since Thorns of Death got closer to his heart, Alan started leaving office early and taking paperwork home. Eric, very much concerned for his colleague, makes up an excuse to go check on him.<br/>This is the first time they talk about what's ineluctable, what Alan fears and Eric denies, but what cannot be stopped.<br/>Or can it?</p><p>Sad feelings and comfort sex.</p><div class="center">
  <p>Takes place very shortly before events from the second Kuroshitsuji Musical "The Most Beautiful Death In The World".</p>
  <p>~  ~  ~ </p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	Ray of Light

Eric shuffled his feet uncertainly, fingers nervously pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He stood before the door of Alan’s apartment, and even though normally he never thought twice… or at all, before doing anything, he now couldn’t bring himself to just lift his hand and knock. 

However, after taking a deep, shaky breath, he decided that whatever this is he’s so afraid of, it cannot be worse than the weird knot in his stomach, he felt standing there in anticipation. He hung his head, looking down at his feet and knocked. 

He heard a faint noise on the other side of the door, but as he stood there, seconds passing, no one answered. Knot in his stomach twisted painfully, fingers of his other hand tightened on the file he was holding, crumpling the paper. He knocked again.

This time the door cracked open, and Alan’s pale face appeared in front of him. Eric realized that this was what made him so anxious before. He was afraid he would see his colleague in such state. Alan looked so fragile, his face white, dark circles under his eyes, even his lips were pale…

“Eric?”, Alan asked, raising his eyebrow, and Eric noticed that he was staring at him open-mouthed for the entire time, awkward silence creeping around them.  
“Ehem, umm, hi…” Eric coughed, forcing a smile, “How… umm, how are you?”  
“Fine.” Alan replied flatly and immediately cut off the subject, “What are you doing here?”, he asked eyeing him suspiciously.  
“You disappeared so quickly after your last case today. I was looking for you, I have a…” Eric looked down at the file he brought with him, flipping a few pages, “… Jonathan Woodworth, scheduled for reaping next week. I think you have a guy with the same name, so I just wanted… umm… you know clarify this, so that there is no mix up.” Eric let out a breathy laugh, scratching his head awkwardly.  
“This really couldn’t wait until Monday?” Alan frowned, narrowing his eyes.  
Eric sighed, closing the file and looking at the other reaper seriously, “Look…” he started, “William told me you didn’t feel well and took paperwork home. I was… I was worried, I just wanted to check on you.”  
“You really didn’t have to… I’m fine.” Alan huffed, his breath getting heavier.  
“Well in that case… I could… I could pick up your reports, if you’re done with them. I’m heading back to the office now anyways.” Eric offered. He tried putting up a cheerful front, but he didn’t fail to notice the way his colleague’s chest shook in ragged breaths, drops of sweat forming on his forehead.  
“Alright… come in.” Alan stepped aside, and as Eric came in he led him to the living room. 

Eric looked around the room, tucking the file under his arm. He was here a few times before, and he always liked how simply and yet tastefully the apartment was decorated. He felt very comfortable at Alan’s place, and it brought back the pleasant memories of many evenings they spent here, together with Ronald and Grell, and sometimes even William, drinking and playing poker after office hours. However, they were not hanging out much these days, since Alan… got sick. Eric didn’t even know how much he missed it, but now his eyes softened and the corners of his lips twitched up in a smile.

“Here you go.” Alan’s voice shook him out of the reverie, and he shoved the paperwork into his hands, “Thanks.”  
“No problem.” Eric smirked at him, his eyes worryingly scanning the other’s face. 

They stood in silence for a longer while, ticking of a clock unusually loud in their ears. Alan started to look annoyed, as if he was offended Eric came to check on him. The blonde reaper felt like an intruder, his chest tightening at the irked frown Alan worn. 

Eventually, the older reaper could not stand the charade anymore, and his shoulders dropped as he exhaled loudly, “Alan… you really don’t look good. I’m worried. How are you feeling?” he asked, tossing paperwork on the coffee table.  
“I told you I’m fine.” Alan replied, sounding exhausted, his hand went up to wipe the sweat off his temple, but he never broke the eye-contact.  
“How long do we know each other?” Eric took a sit on the couch, motioning for the other reaper to join him, “Maybe Spears can be fooled by you being oh-so-brave, but I am not.” His voice suddenly got harsher. 

Alan sat down heavily, staring blankly at the wall. He rubbed his sweaty palms together, gradually relaxing and letting himself to act naturally in front of Eric. His face turned grey, and his eyes looked empty when he finally spoke.

“I’m dying, Eric. You know that very well. How do you think that makes me feel?”

The words sank in, air around the two reapers suddenly becoming tense. Alan nearly shrugged, feeling his colleague's hand on his shoulder, but in the end he allowed the touch. 

“You can’t keep pushing me away like this.” Eric said quietly, “We’re friends, partners… I want to know when something is wrong.”  
“Everything is wrong all the time!” Alan raised his voice, looking up at him, “Eric this… this hurts so bad. And I am… scared.” He choked on a sob, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.  
“Shhh, I know.” The blonde reaper said soothingly, moving his hand to the back of the other’s neck reassuringly.  
“You don’t, that’s the point.” Alan moved away from him slightly. He tried to keep a distance between them lately, knowing that once he’ll allow Eric to see how bad is his condition, the other reaper will do nothing more than worry constantly. He felt like a burden even without it. “None of you do. For you dying humans are just work, just rows of numbers in the reports. You have no idea how much… how painful this is. How awful... it's... disgusting.”  
  
“I didn’t know you’re in so much pain.” Eric said after a longer pause, his expression stained with concern, “You weren’t showing it at work. You should’ve told me.”  
“This is exactly why I wasn’t saying anything… I feel useless anyway, I didn’t want you to treat me differently.” Alan sighed, and then his eyes squeezed shut as he clutched at his chest, his breath hitching.  
“Alan?” Eric supported his colleague as he leaned against him, losing his balance, his body tensing, “Alan, what’s wrong?” his voice was shaking, hand went up instantly to support Alan’s head.  
“It’s nothing… it’s…” Alan coughed, trying to move away, but he was too weak, and the pain piercing through his chest made it impossible to move.  
“Do you need to lie down?” the other reaper asked, slipping his arm behind Alan’s back, afraid that he will collapse, “Tell me what can I do…?”

Suddenly the younger reaper took in a shaky breath and turned his head away, angry that the tears were now falling uncontrollably from his eyes.  
“Can you please… stop this!” he sobbed, his palm ruffling the fabric of his clothes as it desperately clawed at his chest, “Are you going to treat me like this for the rest of my life?” he managed to spat out between choking coughs.  
“That’s it, you need to lie down.” Eric ignored Alan’s pretension, getting up from the couch, and scooping the other reaper in his arms.  
“Are you… you must be kidding. Put me down! I can walk by myself!” Alan tried to sound authoritative, but it turned out rather pathetic, his voice torn by the cough, breath coming out in short, heavy sighs.  
“You barely utter words.” The older reaper stated with a frown as he carried him to the bedroom. 

Eric put Alan on the bed gently, adjusting the pillows as he made him lie down.  
“Eric!” the other reaper scolded him angrily.  
Eric took off his shoes to make him more comfortable, and pulled a blanket over him.  
“Eric!” Alan would lose his patience long ago if not for his chest feeling as if it was being ripped open, instead all he could do was to whine the other’s name and hope not to sound as weak as he actually was.  
“Where does it hurt?” Eric asked, ignoring his colleague's scolding, as he sat next to him on the mattress.  
Alan sank into the pillows, finally giving up, knowing that he will not win when Eric got stubborn.  
“My chest…” he breathed, closing his eyes.  
Eric took his hand and squeezed it within his strong palm, “Try to relax, I’m here… I’m here with you.”

Alan’s breath evened slowly, his body still occasionally shaking with a cough. His fingers tightened around Eric’s as he held his hand, and gradually the pain eased. They sat in silence, Alan with his eyes closed, chest raising and falling heavily, and Eric with his head bowed down, eyeing the other’s face in a search for any symptoms of pain. 

“When I got this job…” Alan whispered, opening his eyes slowly to look at Eric, “I thought I’ve been blessed, with eternal life.”  
“It’s not a blessing. Our lives.” Eric said sadly, his voice a deep murmur, “They are stained with loneliness. Just like humans’. But unlike them, our solitude is… everlasting.”  
A tear ran down Alan’s cheek, he remained silent.  
“But sometimes…” Eric continued, “If you’re lucky, you can find a ray of light, in this abyss. A star in the night. I found mine.”

The blonde reaper leaned down, his hand still holding Alan’s firmly, and he captured his lips in a delicate, almost uncertain kiss. Alan tensed at first, but then gave into it, closing his eyes again. The smell of Eric’s cologne tickled his nose when he inhaled, and it was so comforting and familiar, that Alan raised his other hand and wrapped it around older reaper’s neck, holding him close as he returned the kiss. 

Eric slipped onto the bed, lying next to Alan, and supporting himself on his elbow, cautious not to cause the other any pain. Their lips never parted, and Eric felt a wave of warmth spreading through his chest as they kissed slowly. Eric’s arm curled around Alan’s waist and he carefully pulled him into an embrace. 

Alan sighed contently, letting Eric’s tongue slip into his mouth, shiver running down his spine as their kiss deepened. After a moment Eric pulled away, as if afraid of going too far. He looked down at Alan, his hand moved to rest against his chest in a protective gesture.

“I lo-…” he started, but Alan momentarily covered his mouth with his lips again, the kiss desperate. When he pulled away his hand replaced his lips, preventing Eric from speaking, fingers gently brushing against the other’s mouth.  
“Don’t.” younger reaper whispered, new tears appearing in his eyes, “It will only make it harder… so much harder for me to go. When my time comes.”  
“But I need you to know.” Eric sobbed, kissing the other's fingertips resting on his lips. He leaned his forehead against Alan’s and tears streamed down his face.  
“I know.” Alan’s hand moved up to cup his cheek, thumb stroking his stubble, “I know…” he repeated, “…me too.”

Eric was not able to control himself anymore. He spasmed with choking sobs and buried his head in the crook of Alan’s neck.

Alan's hand stroked the older reaper's blonde hair soothingly, "This is exactly what I wanted to avoid" he said calmly, even though his eyes were also filled with tears.  
Eric froze in their embrace, face hidden in the pillow beside Alan's head.  
"How do you expect me to let go one day, when all I want is to never be without you?" younger reaper asked, and Eric lifted his head, gazing at him in awe.

They did not speak anymore, there weren't any words left to say, because everything they needed to know was told in the way Eric's hand rested over Alan's heart. They closed their eyes, and their lips met again in a kiss, that was so tender and loving, it sent sparks through their bodies, and made butterflies dance in their stomachs.

Eric fully rested on the bed beside Alan, their legs tangled, and Eric held him close. He wanted to protect younger reaper from the pain, his hand tucked the blanket carefully around the other's body. Their lips were slowly sliding against each other as they continued kissing, long and lazy. Alan hummed contently against Eric's mouth, feeling his tongue brushing his lower lip lightly. He parted his lips, letting the other in, the kiss needy and sweet.

Alan relaxed completely in older reaper's arms, melting into the kiss and nipping at his lips hungrily, as if it was the last thing he was going to do in his life. His fingers traced lines along Eric's jaw and neck, to finally rest on his chest, the other's strong body making Alan feel safe. He pulled off the loose tie, and began unbuttoning his shirt slowly.

Eric tensed, not expecting the other's obvious eagerness so soon after he had a fit. He wasn't certain if they should continue, but he couldn't stop kissing Alan, feeling his warm lips against his, his tongue slipping into his mouth, his hot breath coming in the sweetest sighs. His hand moved to cup Alan's face and he deepen the kiss even more, low purr coming from his throat. His thumb caressed younger reaper's skin gently, brushing along his cheekbone, which was something Eric since forever secretly adored about his colleague.

Alan undid the other's shirt, and as it fell open, his hand slipped underneath the fabric. He felt the firm muscles of Eric's stomach and chest, his fingers mapping his skin slowly as they moved to slid the shirt off one of his shoulder's.

Eric pulled away, breaking the kiss, "Alan... what are you doing?", he asked huskily, meeting the gaze of Alan's green eyes.  
"Please Eric...", younger reaper whispered, his fingers tracing carefully every curve underneath Eric's shirt, "Give me something to hold on to."  
"But you just were... I don't want to hurt you." Eric replied, pecking his lips apologetically.  
"I'm alright now, I promise." Alan said, looking up at him, "It's getting more intense lately, but never lasts long. It doesn't hurt now."  
Eric stared at him with worry, his own heart aching at the thought that lately Alan's state got worse, which indicated that the Thorns must've got closer to his heart. He didn't say anything, just held the other, arms tightening around him.  
"Don't you want to?" Alan asked eventually.  
"I'm afraid I will hurt you." the blonde repeated, fighting the tears that threatened to fill his eyes.  
"You won't." Alan nuzzled their noses together, "I asked you not to... not to say _it_. But you could... you could show me. And I could show you."  
"Alan..." Eric breathed, but the other reaper silenced him with a kiss.  
"I want to show you... how much." young reaper then said quietly against this lips, and his hand moved to caress the other's bare shoulder.

On that, Eric leaned in and placed a kiss on Alan's neck. The other reaper instantly resumed freeing him from his clothing, tugging at the suit jacket and shirt together, to slid them off Eric's arms. Older reaper's hands went to loosen his colleague's tie, and then he began undressing him as well, his lips peppering the other's jaw and neck with long, warm kisses.

They stripped each other slowly, taking their time to caress and kiss each newly bared piece of the other's skin. Alan marveled at the toned muscles of Eric's shoulders, at how strong his body was, and he found it very comforting as he lay there in his embrace. Eric, on the other hand, thought that he never before had noticed how lean and slender Alan was. His colleague's extraordinary fighting skills, and the way he was handling his death scythe, were always putting him in the first row of the most prominent shinigami, but now, as Eric stripped him naked and had him in his arms, Alan was delicate and slim, his skin creamy, legs long.

They paused before taking off their underwear, their bodies pressed together as they kissed again, Alan clutching at the other reaper's shoulders, and Eric's hands wandering along the skin of younger reaper's back.

Eventually, Eric's hands slipped underneath Alan's underwear, his strong hands caressing the other's round buttocks. Alan sighed quietly at the touch, snuggling closer to the older reaper and nuzzling his neck. His own hand sneaked down to palm Eric's still clothed erection.

The older reaper pulled his colleague's underwear down, exposing his long, hardening cock, his hands rubbing the other's thighs slowly. Alan tensed a little, instinctively bringing his knees up as he lay on his side. His fingers hesitantly hooked on the edge of Eric's underpants.

"Don't be shy, it's me." Eric's hand went up to stroke younger reaper's cheek, pulling his chin up to lift his face.

Alan looked up at him with a blush, and he saw the other smiling warmly. It was so rare to see Eric smiling like this, just a genuine smile that played not only on his lips but also in his eyes. Alan relaxed, bringing his lips up and kissing the other lovingly, his hands tugging at his underwear, baring him completely.

Eric's fingers traced circles on the skin of Alan's thighs and hips, getting him familiar with the touch, before they wrapped delicately around his length.

"A-aah", Alan sighed, closing his eyes. Even the slightest touch from Eric was sending sparks through his body. He felt the other's fingers tightening around him, stroking lightly, and he pressed his face into Eric's chest, whimpering quietly.

Alan's hand brushed along Eric's stomach, fingers tracing the line of hair from the navel down.

He took his hot, flushed cock in his hand, and stroked slowly to match the rhythm in which Eric's hand was moving against his own. The older reaper panted quietly, burying his face in Alan's hair.

Soon younger reaper's hips were bucking up, thrusting into Eric's hand. He raised his leg to hook it on the other's waist, pressing their bodies closer together. In the same time his lips lazily wandered up his neck, more brushing and nuzzling than kissing.

Eric's other hand caressed his lower back, pulling him closer and holding onto him. Their lips finally met in yet another kiss, their chest pressing together as they both breathed heavily.

"I want to kiss you everywhere" Eric panted, stroking the other's cock harder as he sucked at the skin on his shoulder.  
"Mhmmmm", was the only response Alan was able to give, his thumb teasing the head of Eric's erection, long fingers pumping him firmly.

Eric rolled over and onto Alan, straddling him. He grunted at the added friction as he thrust into his palm a couple times more, before grabbing Alan's wrist and taking his hand away. He entangled their fingers together, and pressed Alan's hand into the mattress next to his head, his lips placing gentle kisses all over his chest.

Alan let his head fall back onto the pillows, and he closed his eyes, savouring the feeling of Eric's warm mouth against his skin. He felt his tongue teasing around his nipples, and then teeth gently nipping at one. It was just enough to make his breath hitch, and to make him want more.

The blonde reaper slid down the other's body, kissing his stomach and licking around the navel. Alan, with his eyes still closed, breathed heavily, his world narrowing to Eric's lips against his skin. With every little touch, with every kiss, he felt more alive. He wouldn't tell this to Eric, but he still felt small pangs of pain with every heartbeat. But when he felt the other's body against his own, and his warm hands caressing his skin, and his mouth placing eager kisses all over him, he didn't really mind. It wasn't important anymore, there was only Eric, and in that moment he was his entire world.

Eric teased the skin of Alan's lower belly with his tongue, nipping at his sharp hipbones. Did he lost even more weight recently? His hand brushed along ribs visible underneath the skin, causing Alan to shiver in pleasure, but Eric shivered with worry. His palms moved smoothly along his hips, carefully measuring how narrow his waist was. A sigh escaped Eric's lips as his hands rested on Alan's thighs, and he placed long kiss on his flat belly, tears stinging behind his closed eyelids. Alan was so small, so skinny, so fragile... Eric didn't notice that before, but his colleague actually looked like death by now. How could he not see it? Alan was always getting so angry when someone asked how he's feeling, and he didn't want any special treatment, handling all things by himself as usual... but Eric should know better, that was his best friend after all. He waited way too long to finally admit how much he worries about him...

"What's wrong?" Alan's voice brought Eric back from the maze of thoughts rushing through his head.  
Eric looked up at him, his hands pushing younger reaper's thighs apart gently, "Nothing" he said quietly, forcing a little smile, his voice soothing, "You're... you're beautiful." It wasn't a lie, even though Alan got skinnier and paler, Eric didn't find him any less attractive. It was Alan, after all, nothing could change his feelings.  
"I'm not.", the other said sheepishly, turning his head to the side.  
"Of course you are." Eric settled between his legs, his fingers wandering lazily along the skin of his inner thighs.

He kissed the crook of Alan's knee, causing other reaper to sigh contently, and then he kissed his way up one of his thighs to the groin.  
  
"Ah... mhmmm...", a little whine escaped Alan's throat as Eric took his length into his mouth. He felt his hot lips enveloping him, and his tongue teasing the head, and he hoped heaven feels like this.

Eric's palms rested on younger reaper's hips, and he sucked him down his throat. He bobbed his head a few times, his tongue sliding flat along the underside of Alan's shaft. His cock was slim but long, and Eric needed a moment to adjust before he was able to take him all in. Inhaling sharply, Eric buried his nose in the pubic hair at the base, feeling the head of Alan's erection hitting the back of his throat.  
"Ah! You really m-meant it when you said you want... a-aah... you want to kiss m-me everywhere..." Alan breathed between needy moans, and Eric smiled around his cock.  
He sucked a couple more times, savouring the sweet noises Alan was making, and then he withdrew, sucking at the head. "Oh yes, I did." Eric said, breathing hotly against the saliva wet skin, and he hooked his arms underneath Alan's legs, lifting his hips gently up.

He leaned down, bowing his head between Alan's parted legs. He mouthed at Alan's cock, licking down his shaft, and then his tongue teased the delicate skin around his tight entrance.  
"Oh-ohhh Gods, Eric...", younger reaper whined at the feeling, tensing, his back arching.  
"Shhh, relax..." Eric murmured, "Everywhere... I promised." And with that he pushed his tongue inside, causing Alan go limp against him with a deep sigh.

Eric's tongue flickered gently inside, his lips enveloping Alan's entrance and sucking lightly. Alan's hands clawed desperately at the bedsheets, needles of pain still present in his chest as he took a deep breath. He tried to focus on the pleasure, and make the pain go away, relaxing against Eric. His hard cock rested on his belly, precum smearing on his skin. Eric's tongue felt so good inside him, his entrance wet from saliva as the other reaper lapped at the puckered skin.

Alan's hips trembled, and he pushed back at Eric's tongue, causing the older reaper to purr contently. His tongue was sliding in and out of Alan quickly, occasionally withdrawing completely to circle around the entrance.

He then leaned back, lowering Alan down on the mattress, and taking hold of his cock with one hand. One fingertip pushed against a slightly loosened entrance, sliding in just a bit. Alan hissed quietly at the friction, but soon he relaxed, Eric's finger pushing in slowly and gently, any pain hidden behind the pleasure, as his other hand pumped his flushed cock.

Eric pushed in to the first knuckle, and stopped, seeing Alan frowning slightly and grabbing at the sheets. Alan opened his eyes and looked up at him.  
"Go on..." he breathed, "I want this."  
"It may hurt if I go on..." Eric said quietly.  
"I have... I have something in the top drawer." Alan gestured to the bedside table, stretching his hand out to reach. He took out a small bottle and handed it to Eric.

The older reaper pulled his finger out slowly, and then he poured some of the oil from the bottle onto his hand.  
"It should be easier now..." he said with a smile as he took hold of Alan again, and slid his now slick finger back in.  
Alan moaned as Eric's finger went deep into him, his muscles instinctively clenching around him at first but soon relaxing, as Eric moved the finger gently inside him.  
Eric's other hand stroked Alan's cock, teasing the head with his thumb, as he worked his entrance open.

His finger was sliding in and out with ease, Alan's panting sending shivers down his spine, straight to his own erection. His cock throbbed impatiently, heavy between his legs. But he didn't want to rush things, he wanted to be gentle, he wanted it to be lovemaking, and not just fucking. He took his time before he slid in the second finger, Alan's happy groan telling him that his pace was just right.

The two fingers felt a bit strange inside him, but it was not unpleasant. Alan felt them stretching him, scissoring inside, and curling as they pushed deep in. Soon his hips were bucking up, pushing back at Eric's fingers, his cock slick and glistening with precum. His toes curled against the bedsheets, and he closed his eyes, panting heavily, his chest finally feeling lighter. There was a nice wave of warmth spreading through his belly, and then an electric spark as Eric's fingers hit something deep inside him.

"Oh-ohhh, there!" Alan's cheeks blushed red, he surprised himself with how needy he sounded.  
Eric let out a breathy laugh, his own cock aching at the sounds Alan was making, and he brushed his fingers against the nub of nerves inside Alan once again.  
"Mhmmm yes!" the younger reaper panted, his muscles clenching around Eric's fingers, "Eric please... please I'm ready..." he whined, turning his head to the side and trying to bury it in the pillows as embarrassingly loud moans escaped his lips.

Eric pulled his fingers out, and knelt comfortably on the mattress between Alan's parted legs. He took the bottle of oil once again, and poured some onto his palm. He wrapped his fingers around his own cock, sighing in relief as he stroked his aching length, slicking it up with oil. Alan spread his legs wider, his fingers digging into the sheets, cheeks flushed. Eric positioned himself against his entrance, head of his cock rubbing between his asscheeks.

Eric pushed inside, tip of his cock sliding in, smoothly passing the first tight ring of muscles. He leaned forward, supporting himself on his hands, not to rest his weight on Alan.  
Alan lifted his legs up and wrapped them around Eric's waist, pulling him closer and in the same time deeper inside him. Eric moaned, drops of sweat forming on his brow as his cock slid in slowly, going deep into Alan's tight hole. Alan braced himself against Eric's muscular arms, his long fingers digging into his biceps. He felt the older reaper's cock stretching him, and he bit his lip in pain, his thighs tightening around his waist, trembling.

Eric pushed all the way in and paused, breathing heavily. He wanted to give Alan time to adjust, even though he could feel his cock pulsing inside him, hot and hard. He lied down gently, pressing their bodies together, but trying to balance his weight on his knees, and not against Alan's chest. But the wanted to be closer to him, his arms slid underneath the other's body, holding him as they wrapped around his back. Alan moved his own hands up Eric's shoulders, wrapping them around his neck.

Time froze around them as they panted hotly into each other's mouths, holding onto each other tightly. Alan felt something in his chest, but it wasn't pain. It felt good and warm, as if something fluttered inside. He leaned up and pulled Eric down into a kiss, sealing their lips together. The kiss was desperate and needy, and he held onto Eric for dear life, because he knew that otherwise, if he wouldn't occupy his lips, he would tell him the words he forbid Eric to say, and that would just make everything harder.

Eric melted into the kiss, pushing his tongue inside Alan's mouth eagerly. He moved his hips cautiously, pulling out slightly and pushing in again in a shallow thrust. Alan moaned into his mouth and bit at his lower lip. Eric took it as encouragement and repeated his movement, pulling out more this time.

"I'm alright Eric, don't hold back." Alan breathed, desperate to feel his lover deeper inside him, desperate for every touch he could offer, desperate for the rush of endorphins that would make him forget that this will not last forever.  
Eric groaned, burying his face in the other's shoulder, and he snapped his hips forward, causing Alan's breath to hitch.

Eric speeded up his pace, his hips started to slam against Alan's ass more firmly, every thrust was deeper. Soon he was thrusting inside him balls deep, Alan’s hole still tight around him, but the wet hotness so welcoming.

Their breathy groans drowned in the sound of skin slamming against skin. Alan's cock was pressing hard against Eric's stomach, his hips jerking up to rub his member between their bodies.

Alan felt Eric’s teeth on his neck, nipping at his skin between hot, open-mouthed kisses. He could feet his heartbeat and shallow, rapid breathing as Eric's chest pressed into his. Eric's fingertips dug into the skin of his asscheek, a firm hand spreading him wide, his hot cock filling him as he thrust inside him over and over again. His own cock was twitching painfully, resting on his stomach, and the friction of Eric’s body sliding against him made him whimper. The sensation was strong enough to keep him unbearably aroused but without bringing him to the edge.

Eric rolled his hips, entering Alan at a different angle, trying to find the sensitive spot inside him once again. Their movements turned lazy after the initial rush, Eric was pulling all the way out until only the tip of his cock remained inside, and then slowly pushing back in. Alan's hips were meeting his slow, deep thrusts, his legs still wrapped around his waist, pulling him back each time.

Alan's hands wandered along Eric's sweaty back, nails scraping lightly, but enough to leave bright red marks. His arms tightened around his neck, and Alan leaned in for a kiss again, his eyes closed, lips searching for the other's mouth as they peppered his shoulder, neck and jaw with a trail of warm, chaste kisses.

Eric made love to him slowly, taking time to give equal attention to any part of his skin he could reach, holding him in an embrace with one arm, the other caressing his skin with affection. His hips were moving lazily as he was pushing deep into Alan, searching for his prostate. Alan arched his back, and let out an incoherent moan that could have been as well Eric's name or a swear, and that told Eric that he was successful.

He smiled, thrusting a little more forcefully, and hitting the spot inside Alan once again, causing him to moan sweetly into his ear.  
"Don't you dare stopping!" Alan panted, nipping at Eric's earlobe, and pushing back onto his cock.  
"Easy..." Eric chucked against this skin, "I could do it all day long," he kissed Alan's cheek, and then his nose and his forehead, "but only because it's you."

Alan felt his release building up in his loins as Eric's cock was thrusting deep inside him. His own member was painfully hard, trapped between their bodies, sliding along Eric's sweaty stomach. His ass was sore by now, but it didn't matter, it felt too good for him to care. Eric was gentle with him, and yet passionate, tender, but firm. Alan liked how it felt, because Eric was taking him, stretching him with his thick cock, and yet he also felt cared for, and safe, and cherished, and... loved. Eric managed to show him what he was forbidden to tell, and Alan could burst into tears right then and there if not for how _amazingly good_ he felt.

And then his vision went white, and he arched his back, fingers digging into the skin of Eric's back as his body shook with orgasm.  
"Aaah E-Eric...!" he only managed to moan, overwhelmed, his breath hitching. He buried his face in the crook of the other's neck, panting hotly into his skin.

He released onto his stomach, his come spilling between his and Eric's body, smearing on their skin, hot and thick.  
Eric held him close, his fingers tracing circles along the skin of his lower back soothingly. Alan's body was trembling against him, his cock releasing final bursts of sperm as he slowly started to relax, letting out ragged breaths, but never letting go of Eric.

The older reaper never stopped thrusting into him, hitting his prostate several times through his orgasm, causing Alan to let out muffled cries as tears formed in the corners of his eyes. Alan's hole clenched tightly around him, and Eric groaned at the sensation, feeling his own release approaching. Muscles in his back and shoulders started to feel sore, Alan's weight resting in his arms as he was pounding into him gradually going faster.

Alan went limp against him, coming down from the high of his orgasm. He lazily nuzzled Eric's neck with his nose, uttering little whiny noises right into his ear. Dark hair clung to his sweaty forehead, half-lidded eyes were clouded.  
"Eric..." he breathed, nipping at his earlobe, head spinning in bliss.

Eric squeezed his eyes shut, tensing, and he cried out in pleasure as he came inside him. His release filled Alan's stretched hole, and the younger reaper hissed quietly as Eric thrust into him forcefully, riding through his orgasm.

He absent-mindedly covered the creamy skin of his neck with a trail of chaste kisses, mapping the other's skin with his lips blindly. Then, their mouths found each other, and they moaned contently into the deep, hungry kiss.

After a longer moment, Eric collapsed on top of Alan, panting heavily. His cock softened, and as his breath evened, he gently pulled out, rolling onto the mattress next to the other reaper. Alan whined at the loss, as Eric's semi-hard member slipped out of him, and soon he felt his backside burning a little.

He let his eyes fall close, relaxing into the pillows, and he felt he could drift away into sleep easily. His limbs felt heavy, but he didn't care, he was comfortable and blissful, and his chest was light as he breathed calmly and slowly. He then felt something brush against his stomach, and he forced himself to crack one eye open.

He saw Eric cleaning him up with some white cloth, Alan frowned, looking down at it.  
"That's your shirt..." he said, propping himself up on his elbows.  
"Yep." Eric replied shortly, cleaning Alan's stomach and then wiping his own.  
"It'll get dirty..." Alan looked up at him with resignation.  
"I don't care." the blonde reaper said sleepily, tossing the now filthy shirt onto the floor.

Eric lied down on his side, wrapping his arm around Alan's waist and pulling him into an embrace. Younger reaper buried his face in Eric's chest, arms wrapping around his shoulders. They both closed their eyes, Eric let out a content sigh as he rested his chin atop Alan's head.

They lied in silence, listening to each other's breathing, Eric pulled a blanket over them, covering Alan with care to keep him warm.  
It was already getting dark, last rays of dimmed evening light coming through the widow, and the bedroom slowly sank into the soft dusk.  
"Will you stay with me tonight?" Alan murmured, his voice so quiet that it barely disturbed the peaceful silence around them.  
"Of course I will." Eric kissed his forehead, rubbing his back through the blanket.

Alan snuggled closer to him, intertwining their legs together, even beating of the other's heart soothing him.  
Eric slowly started to drift away, he had Alan safely in his arms, and that was all he needed. It was a long day for him, and he was sure it was even more tiring for Alan, and he was glad they were together right now, he wanted to be a rock on which Alan could rely. Suddenly he felt Alan's arms tensing around him, and his voice was shaky as he spoke.  
"I don't want to die." he sobbed quietly, not being able to hold back the tears, and he pressed his wet cheeks into Eric's chest.  
"I won't let it happen." Eric said, trying to keep his voice steady and reassuring, his hand moved to stroke Alan's hair.  
"I'm scared Eric, I don't... I don't want to die." Alan kept weeping, his fingers tensing on the back of other's neck.  
"Shhhh. I'm not letting you go." Eric's eyes watered, but he kept himself together, "Go to sleep, you should rest. I promise I will be here, I won't... I won't let anything happen to you."

Alan's body shook with silent sobs several more times, but Eric's strong arms held him tightly. He was never more scared. For a while there, he even thought that he started to accept what happened to him, that he was getting used to the thought that one day the Thorns will reach his heart. But it wasn't true. How could one ever get used to thinking that every day could be their last? He had no idea how humans made it, how they manage to be happy, to love, without noticing the overwhelming, ever-present shadow of death breathing on their backs. Their lives were so short, and yet he often reaped souls of those that accepted death peacefully, considering their lives fulfilling... not all of them were fighting, clinging onto life desperately, like the one unruly soul who pierced his chest and formed the Thorns. How wasn't that more common? How could people live for 50-60 years and just let go in peace? Alan shivered for the mere thought that his life will end soon, and he already lived for centuries. Eric was right, this life was not a blessing. It was mainly worthless, up until now. And what an irony, he had to be dying to find the ray of light in his eternal solitude.

These thoughts wearied him, his head felt heavy. Finally, he fell asleep in Eric's embrace, tears on his face drying.  
Eric removed his glassed carefully, and put them on the bedside table. With his cheek resting atop Alan's head, he lied there, listening to the other's heartbeat.

"I will not give up on your life." he said, his voice more than a breath but barely a whisper, "I will figure something out, I promise."  
Eric knew that Alan was already asleep and couldn't hear him, but these words were meant more to himself, because he was scared too, and he needed to reassure himself that he's not helpless.  
"I will not give up on your life.", he repeated, kissing Alan's head, "Your life means more to me than thousand any other lives."

**Author's Note:**

> yes, I have a thing for long kisses, Alan's cheekbones, and cheesy angst. fucking sue me.  
> I just want them to be happy okay, their love is literally more important to me than my own love life, why can't they just be happy, this is bullshit.


End file.
